a simple thought

take me to a road where i can walk freely
i want to wander around and search for a mystery
words of wisdom people tried to utter
why they have to talk in a manner nobody can bear
to find for its meaning nobody cares
as though every word should hide its meant
i dare you to take me to a place of truth and dare
language is a bridge to enter the door
yet if made complicated nobody would walk in that slope
to take a few steps in the ladder of life
is a great achievement for someone who never despise
don't make it hard just keep it simple
for our journey might go beyond our imagination
and if cross roads often come by never feel confuse
just follow your heart and follow the truth

torture of love

feel me through your soul

hold me and don't ever let go

take me wherever you're destined to be

for i am no longer mine when i fell in love with thee

i thought i could stand on my own

but i realized everything i thought was wrong

you are the pillar of my life

without you life is nothing but barren desert i cannot withstand

your presence in my veins keep me alive for quite a while

yet the anguish of loosing you still battling inside my heart

i cannot live without you...just a thought is a pain i can't ignore

when a certain smile we've shared will just fly away and be gone

it is more than living in a war zone when all my bones want to explode

hold me and feel me...take my spirit don't set it free

but if there's no other way then let it be

as long as you save the best of you and me...

rain

i want to see how the rain drops falling
i want to hear the song they are playing
and though not so many want the rain to stay
my heart wants to dance and go insane
raindrops makes my pulse jumping
the reason is i think the heaven is crying
i am not happy but i am glad
whether it is the same i don't care that much
as long as the tears of heaven fall unto me
make me shiver and make me feel free
for i am not the only one whose tears are falling
maybe sometimes the heaven also wants to sing
and can't help itself but to cry in pain
though sometimes they say rain is a blessing
all i want to say is i like it when rain is pouring
as rain washes my tears and pain away...

i want to cruise and travel the world
i want to see what others have seen
i want to feel the ray of sun in the other side of the earth
i want to breath in the air that others have breathe
i want to fly like an eagle in the sky
or let me be like a leaf that floats before touching the ground
i want to scream and hear the echo of my voice
i want to see my face in the clear running brooks
i want to see the stars and twinkle with them
or be the moon that lights up in heaven
i want to sail along with the fishermen and free all the fishes in ocean
i want to be a hunter and shot nothing in the wild
i want to be you for whoever you are
for each and everyone is different in minds and spirit
i want to be a sinner that search for the light
i want to be a saint that hopefully can save my life
i want to be a father that i never had in my life
or a mother that will give warm to a child
finally i want to die happy as my life is quite sad
but i never want to complain for everything that i had
for life is such a beautiful gift i ever had
in a plain and simple wrap it made me who i am
yet though i longed to be someone else i never want to exchange
a single second of my life...for i am me...and will always be

for others

it is not what others would say that stop us from searching...

it is not what others would do that keep us from fighting...

it is not what others would feel that keep us from hurting...

but the reason for all of this is not ourselves but others...

it is for others that we strive to write good words...

it is for others that we tried hard to live good life...

it is for others that we stay strong to keep the fight...

it is for others that we hope to succeed...

and though it is quite confusing as i am confuse myself...

i believe that life is not beyond our understanding...

not even beyond impossible...

it is for them we tried to share good thoughts...

it is for those we love that we learned to love...

and sometimes they also cause our pain...

we never would want to stop loving these people...

for in our hearts and soul we live and die for them...

and as we struggle to search for true happiness...

and as we try hard to run away from sorrows...

as we hide our heartaches and our tears...

as we cover up all the failures that would make them cry...

it is because not of shame but of love...

not for ourselves but for others...

for others who also hide their pains not to hurt us with theirs...

who also show their smile not their tears...

who welcomes us with giggles but not their worries...

and if they do open up their heart that is wounded...

we never walk away but we embrace them...

for we live not only for ourselves...but for others...

tears

i often wish not to cry anymore...

i often hope not to feel sadness inside...

i tried to pray hard wishing heaven could hear my sigh...

at the end of the day i embrace myself not wanting tears to fall from my eyes...

i wonder what real happiness means...

even if i laugh out loud i hear sobs in between...

when its dark i feel so alone...

afraid of the silence making me deaf within my soul...

can't stop tears from falling and it hurts to feel each pain...

though it should have healed long time ago...

the scars keep reminding me of all the sorrows...

and though i know others been through harder life than mine...

tears keep falling into my eyes...

i loved not only once...
i cried after doing so...
but the best part is...
i felt happy and joy in between...

it's not just the smile but the tears...
it's not just the fever but the cold...
it's not love if not felt together...
for love is something that makes us wonder why...

love is a puzzle that makes us think...
it is a feeling that is not easy to comprehend...
for if you and i can say what really love is...
then the thrill and the reason will vanish...

hold on not too tight...
for love is selfish and possessive twice...
though sometimes we deny...
love is always in disguise...

i regret never in my life that i loved so many times...
though tears fall more than once...
its the price i have to pay for being loved...
and being loved is such a great feeling never can i describe...

as i look at my post last sunday... it's hard to believe that i had such a wonderful people around me that made me smile through the years...good reasons enough to still hope for a better tomorrow despite loosing someone close to my heart...sometimes it takes a lifetime to accept how life change us...sometimes...it can only take a second to bring us back to reality...i can only that the loneliness will be enough reason for me to strive to be happy once again...and to those who ever felt left behind...its not actually true...it's just a part of what our life supposed to be...to be broken like a seed to grow and as we grow we made other people happy and as time pass by and learned so many things, we also have to let others take our part and leave them behind...its just a matter of when and how we will going to leave this place...i hope that i can make a difference if not to the world atleast to my family who knows me more than anybody else...

it is the past that makes us smile at present and will make us cry in the future...
remembering what happened yesterday while i try to fit in today is what will lead me to my tomorrow...thus my old friends and my families will always be a part of my life...a part of whether old or new me...when you say the best days means the good and the bad...the happiness and sadness...the sane and insane...it proves to be right when laughter sounds louder when we share it to people we love...we care...we hope to cherish for the rest of our lives...




my family...my own...my only strength...

our life

our life is like building a frame...a house...or even a tower...it all depends on what our heart and mind really wants to achieve...although sometimes, no matter how burning flames of desire we have in our hearts if the plan is not really meant to happen...then it will never be...some say make a table or list or journals...it may work for them but not to others...some says they start from scratch then they become billionaires...good for them...i saw the movie "pursuit of happyness" and it moved me...a lot of people all over the world is pursuing of such happiness...even not money...a simple happiness in life...satisfaction...a feeling of contentment and comfort...success should not be measured on how much money we earned or how much prestige we receive...it is sad to know that life depends on which shoulder we brag...on whose hands we shake...on which network we belong...on what society we nod our heads...it is not a crime to become wealthy and more so not a crime to become peasant...what is a crime is not to learn how to bent on any circumstances that we face as we go along this journey we call life...i am one of those whose always trying to search for what is missing...what i haven't done yet to fulfill something...but i never feel bad about my life...i never really want to desire something that is beyond my imagination...i don't have what it takes to be another bill gates or oprah winfrey...i just want to be me...i believe in the idea that each of us is unique and we are capable of giving something to others in our own special way...to be able to do that matters to us...not to anyone...not to any books or guidelines other people can give...we see children work to feed their hungry stomach...they refuse to cry to their parents because in their young minds they don't want their parents to worry about them...the pain in their hearts makes these children either good or bad someday...but as we watch them...as i watch them....i can only say in my heart...how on earth can i give something...how can i share a part of what i have...these are the questions that i should have known the answer...sadly, i am one of those who want to be free from guilt of not being able to do anything for those who needed help...because i am so busy trying to build up my frame...my house...or my tower...that until now i haven't started to put anything in place...my hands are bare of golds or nickel...but my hands are enough to touch someone sick...i don't have cars to travel the world...but i have my legs to walk and be with the children of the street...sadly, i still don't know how to use them...i have only one hope and dream...i cannot urge people to live according to the book i read or according to the movie i see...but if i have chance even once in my life...i want people to learn that life is not something we can decorate to be beautiful...it is not something we can force others to do to become right...it is not what we hear or see that will lead us to fulfill something...it is inside our hearts...it is not what God wants for us but what we want for ourselves...and no one can tell us whether we are doing the right thing or not...at the end of the day...we only have ourselves to talk with...and it is our selves that we confide what we should have and should not have done...i stop thinking about how life of others turn around because until now...i don't how to turn my life around...i can tell you a thousand reasons and ways to achieve something but the truth is mine is hallow and empty...and it would be very unfair to lead a life of other people when i can't lead mine...

rhythm of love

i just cant stop saying i love you...and why not if you really feel like saying so...
let love goes out to be felt...don't keep it inside your heart..let someone out there feel it...
when your heart starts to write some music...let it play and be heard...
let somebody stamp their finger and feel the magic...
no need to choose where it will fall...who will have it...who stumble and crawl...
it may make someone smile or even someone cry...
we may never know unless we give it so...
no one can tell when love is right or wrong...for love is like a wind that embraces all...
when you want the melody to go on and on...
let us be fools and share the song...
if you are in love...let it be and don't be scared...
if it's wrong who cares but only you and me...
don't stop saying i love you for love is something that you don't own...
love is something we cannot put in prison...
let the emotions drive you crazy...and when you are insane finally...
then love will be the one to heal you...
love itself will sing a song for you...
and you will start dancing for all you care cause you let love go...
and you let love comes back to you...

life

when you want water in the middle of the desert...you feel thirst...
when you want food in the middle of the ocean... you feel hungry...
when you want love in the times you are alone... you feel empty...

for life is not a picture of beautiful places...

it's not the pages of romantic novels...
life is not where roses or lily's where placed...
life is not a choice that we have to make...
it is a journey that we have to travel where the ending is unknown...
it is a room that even we rearrange we will not be pleased...
for life is not only a mirror of ourselves...but the reflection of our souls...
where we stand is not where we should fall...
life is not standing still but continuously flowing to reach the final destiny...
hurdles may give us difficulties but will give us strength...
life is a fruit of what we give...either love or hate
if we can choose not to be thirsty...it is not life
if we can eat and never want to be hungry...we are in paradise
if emptiness never comes to our hearts...we are in heaven...
for life is to have pain to have wholeness...
life is to cry to feel joy...
life has to be something worthwhile to be worthy...
life is for living...and living is to have both pain and glory...

have you ever wonder why we are here?...i always do...i always think why people have to be here...on earth...to live...work...live...work...until this very moment...i don't know why...is it to do good things to others and remembered by many when we die?or to fulfill something and be remembered by many when we die?...or to achieve the greatest and be remembered by many when we die?..i noticed one thing...it always ends up in dying....i am not a good christian..i don't read bible religiously...neither i go to mass every sunday or any day that is said to be holy...but i believe there is God...and i believe in one equation of life..though i am not even a mathematician...( actually math hates me! )..do good things to others...whether it return back to you or not...it should not matter...for me...life is a gift...we thought that we already opened that gift...but for me...i haven't opened mine...until my brother died...it is such a painful part of my life that though i've been through a lot before...his life is something that reflect mine...a smile without pretensions...a love that is real...the pain that he tried to overcome with but failed...until his last breathe..he was able to open his gift of life...though he did not surrender it back easily to the one who gave it...he was able to open it...i thought i had opened mine...i really thought...now only...and i saw that my life will also end up with dying...and i will not regret if no one will ever remember me as long as i never forget to share the little thought of my heart...the little piece of my bread...and the small cup of my water...i am not great person...maybe no one even remember my name or what have i done...but it should not matter...as long as i have learned that my life is a gift...not a routine...that after opening my eyes...i am opening a piece of that wrapper...that surprises me everyday...and when i am about to sleep...the gift i have is waiting for another day to reveal another part...isn't it exciting...dying makes one living learn that life is something we should not get tired of...and dying is not something we should be afraid of...though i still cry...and sometimes i do ask God why...i never heard Him answer...but i felt His Love to my brother...and that is enough...someday i hope to understand the other mstery of life...but for now...i hope to keep the faith that love and life belongs to each other...and death is the peak that is hard to embrace but the reality...

i love you

sail along and fly with the wind.. smell the flowers and join the breeze... don't get tired swaying along with the leaves... i want to think that your spirit is free...and happy... let the cold air be a part of you and bring to us who will stay loving you... let you be with the water in every sea or river... let me bath with your clean heart and pure soul... i want to remember you in everything that i see... i want to see your smiles in every happy child there be... for all i want to remember..is you.. the very loving brother i have in you... the sweetest brother i had in you....

love and hate...

i walked a thousand miles away to survive i closed my eyes and ears to avoid pain i chose to dream of happiness that i don't have and at the end of the day... the thousand miles i travelled was just a step behind the pain i want to run away from... is within my heart and the dream has always scare me from waking up i kept a love so deep for all my brothers i kept a love so deep for my mother i kept a love so pure to those who crossed my life and yet love has never return to me... do i have to weep for my pain? do i need to embrace the longing? do i need to search for those that never really gone? do i have to whisper in the ears of heaven... where the heavens are? like a bird who just fly without knowing where... like a flower that blooms not knowing why... like the river that flows not knowing how... i want to be clothe cause i know i am cold i want to be fed cause i know i am hunger i want to cry cause i know i am in pain though love can keep the world happy, why am i lonely? it's not what the heart feels that can make life better... it's not what the hands can do to make anyone feel warmth... its not the words we say can save us from anger... its not for us to do anything to change the wrong to right... if i have known the answer..then there will be no more questions in my mind all i know is that i have loved and i have hated and until this time..there is no reason to believe that love and hate is different

love

what makes u important to the one who loves you is not your face it may not even be your scent nor your pearly white teeth not even your straight dark hair nor your blue wide eyes love springs form the heart that search for nothing but for the soul and if love does really exist...it will not ask for reasons why...it will not even ask why... and as much as how many times people fell in love is not reason enough that we know what love is cause love maybe sometimes depicts hate...it sometimes emitates envy...and even sometimes hides in the shadow of lies...i hope one day...we will no longer ask ourselves why we love someone nor we will measure the amount of love there is in our hearts...one can live and die for it...others can go insane holding on to it...while some can remain simply cold hoping love will not leave them behind... it is ambitious for anyone to hope that love can remain forever..but being ambitious is just part of it...even the most beautiful creatures cried and died and go insane for such love...who knows when and whom will have it...hope that love will grow deep inside our hearts...and mind...and soul...and don't let it die inside you... let others have it...and let it die with them...

i need to see a sun light in the middle of the dark i lost phase where the real road leads i want to grasp anything my hand can grip yet anything i think about is just like dust that goes on in the wind if your heart believes in something beautiful so does my heart yet i can't see where the beauty lies if your lips tend to smile on something wonderful so does mine yet it's so hard to make it real it is indeed a dream of a dreamer once it's in your sight you will wake up hoping you never woke up cause i do wished to see a sight that is full of green yet all i see are blues though the water wants to flow to rivers i don't want my dream to flow away i can only have my faith but it never really belongs to me i only have my hopes in my soul yet the truth i have no control if only i can be like others then it won't be me anymore and always it will be like this a dreamer hoping not to dream anymore...

i don't know what blogging means...is it about expressing oneself to no particular issues or is it to show the sensitive side of one person...i want to be myself for ones...i want to fulfill a dream...and that is to express what my heart wants...it took me 33 years to be able to talk freely...and whoever wants to read or talk back...it doesn't matter cause everyone is entitled to be who they are for real or just for a show...any way life has its two sides..one may be seen clearly the other will definitely hides away...