i love you

i want to buy him flowers
light him candles
and tell him good stories...but as i reach his place
i felt numb and silenced...and tears just flow from my eyes...
i tried to touch him..but i couldn't...i tried to hear him but the silence made me more deaf...
i just looked at his photo pasted on his wall..i kissed him and said sorry...
i hope he heard me...for i wasn't able to bring him nice flowers...
no fancy candles too...all i brought with me is my love for him...
the memories that i kept in my heart...i showed to him the video i made...
and i couldn't bare to shed tears that i tried to hide when he was alive...
i know somehow he is sad for me...but the longing and the guilt is still hanging in my mind...
letting go is really hard...and as i walked away from his place of rest...
i hope to see him standing smiling back as he always did...