my reason to smile

how life can make us cry in the middle of the night
when no one else is there to even soothe us or calm us
i lost all the faith i have in my heart and struggling to get it back
i tried and i kept trying to search for even a glimpse of spark of light
to make me believe that there is still hope
that after each and every night that would pass by me
another tomorrow will shine through that window and will make me happy
i tried to count the days that i was standing still and doing nothing
and even that i failed to remember
i listened long enough to my sigh and i felt deeply hurt inside
yet the tears that wanting to shed and dwell into my eyes
just remain wounding my soul and my heart
i want to walk along the sand with my bare foot
to feel the earth and what beneath that shaking my world
i want to swim the ocean and meet its end
but all i can do is just to stay still and be afraid
and each time i greet my loved ones with a smile
a part of me is crushing and dying slowly and painfully inside
to bear the torn that deeply rooted into my heart
a baby inside of me makes me wanting to survive
another life that has yet to come
another soul that has yet to dream
another hands that has yet to pray
and another smile that will heal the wounds away
and even if no one is around tonight and the night that comes
my little baby in my womb holding me tight
and as i cry to my deepest sadness
my angel just moved a little telling mom we will be alright
and as i let the tears to flow gushing in my eyes
i hope tomorrow as i wake up... i will still smile even if i am hurting inside