to cry silently

how a person can be so tough hiding everything to herself...holding every bit of hate and anger inside her heart...trying to believe that their is still hope...that all people can change and that only time can tell when...and finally one day...that person sits in one corner and cry yet still crying silently....afraid to hurt those people whose been hurting her all her life...asking God why...asking God how to live her life...trying so hard...really hard to believe that her life is much better than the others...yet inside she knows that her heart was torn apart into so many pieces for so many years now and today...nothing has left of that heart...and even to herself...eaten by long struggle...eaten by that belief that things will change...that there is still hope for that change to come...but never came...it never came to me...and i'am hurting so deep yet i cannot tell why...if it's wrong to cry silently...i really don't know what is right...i really don't know how to live again...cause i feel i already rot inside...