reality check...
it does makes us grieve over the lost of the people we love...it makes our heart to stop beating for a second and we grasp for air to breathe...and even sometimes, we poke ourselves and hope that everything is just a dream..a bad dream that we all want to get over with...and as we move on with our lives...we tend to carry on with life pretending to forget that we are deeply broken...that something is missing...a missing piece of our lives yet no matter how hard we try to search for it will never be found...
i lost a brother and a friend in him...i cried and i almost forget about myself...i grieved yet i tried to move on..but not a day has passed that i didn't remember him...and i hoped to remember him for the rest of my life...that is how much we care for some one dear to us...and i asked myself....is it enough...have i done enough...or could have i done more than that...
and reality check...
i can do more...as he tried to live his life that could make him happy...that could have make his child happy...he tried his best to be a good soldier despite the physical pains...despite the torture...he indeed tried to reach his dream...and i envy my brother for being brave enough...for being strong enough...and courageous enough...
and though they knew me as a strong willed person...i am not...and though i was able to hide them my fears...it is burning inside me that waiting to escape...and each time i look at myself...i can only see an empty soul searching and longing for the right body to relive...
in my 34 years of life...i found happiness with my son...i found a way to escape sadness...I've learned to accept what is mine...and i started to see that indeed life is not just about myself...not only about my brother...or any of my family members...it is about me tomorrow not just today...it is about me yesterday who tried to be somebody but failed...it is about me today who is trying to stand still for tomorrow that belongs to my son....
and again...
my life is not mine...i have my dreams that i want to fulfill...and if i die today not accomplishing any of those dreams...then i will remain a dreamer...and my life is not worth living at all...
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
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